Introduction

I chose the title of this blog for two reasons. No three - my first two choices were already taken!

Firstly, I grew up with this "big cigarette" dominating the landscape. It's a great landmark - hard to lose your sense of direction for long round here - and visible for many miles.

Secondly, and most personally, I've been hooked on the dreaded ciggies for over 30 years. Time to really lose this millstone round my neck? I hope so, I pray so.


So how am I doing?

Day 1

Well yesterday was day one. Great! Had the last one at 10am then went round the house and threw lighter and all ashtrays in the bin! Oh that felt good. So nice and clean now, a new me, a new home, a new life. Tidied up, walked down to the shop (how healthy!) walked past the kiosk where they sell the darn things with a smug smile on my face, and walked home again. Still felt good!


Felt a bit tired by then, just wanted to sit down now with a cup of coffee and a....oh crap.


The initial smugness was wearing off, and after 3 hours the cravings were starting to kick in. No, I was gonna be strong here! And it was mostly ok. Got a bit uptight in the evening when all the kids were home (and did eat a lot of sweets) but otherwise still good. Found I had some nicotine gum in a drawer - been there since last time I tried this - and that helps a bit although it's not very nice, is like chewing a chillie, and gives terrible hiccups. Cutting out the smokes also meant cutting down on the coffee - found myself drinking tea more - and I went to bed early. And amazingly slept for longer than I have done for years. Woke up at 5 am (it's usually 3) but that's


DAY 2


Shaking. Yes, feeling really wobbly. And light headed. Went down to make coffee at 6.30 and took it back to bed. It tasted horrible.

It's really really hard to do anything - anything at all. Just want to curl up in a ball. i knew this would happen - I've been here before.

So I took my son to work, and driving back was going through a devil v. angel argument in my head:



Stop at the shop and buy just 10 - you can have them in the garden.

No, don't stop. You did this before, and just ended up back at square one.

But I feel really terrible. I'll never get anything done today if I don't have one.


OK I stopped at the shop. And bought 10. I have 6 left now.
Sigh - Devil 1 Angel 0 today.